All bad relationships tend to leave us feeling angry and resentful. When it comes to relationships, there is nothing worse than having a partner cheat on you, getting hit with a blindsided breakup, or being told that it’s not your fault, it’s theirs. Whatever the case may be, now is the time to reflect on all your emotional baggage and how it is preventing you from being successful at dating.
Today, our Colts Neck matchmaking experts here at New Jersey Singles will review signs you’re carrying emotional baggage, and we’ll teach you ways you can check it at the door.
1. You Don’t Trust Anyone
After being burnt by your ex-partner, you’re bound to feel like you cannot trust anyone. Maybe you are not as quick to jump into a new relationship or maybe it really takes a lot of time for you to trust a new partner. Our Colts Neck matchmaking experts know that trust issues can affect you for a very long time, and this is especially true if you were very close to your ex. If that is the case, then you are likely to be carrying around a lot of relationship baggage full of trust issues.
2. You Compare the Past & the Present
This one goes above and beyond the lack of trust. When you start comparing your past lovers to your present ones, there is definitely something wrong in your romantic picture. Maybe certain things your new partner does remind you of your ex, quickly putting you in a bad mood, but you have to remember they’re not the same person. Don’t let similarities destroy the chances of creating a good relationship with someone new.
3. You Have Become Paranoid
You don’t have to be wearing a strait jacket to be paranoid, and after being involved in a bad relationship and experiencing a bad breakup, it’s plenty okay to be suspicious about new partners. Being burnt in the past will definitely cause you to become a more cautious dater and have you lacking in trust in new people, but being paranoid can also show itself in other things. You may become needy, clingy, and invade your partner’s space, things that are not good for a happy and healthy relationship. If you become paranoid about your partner, they will get fed up with it because no one likes to feel like they’re under surveillance all the time.
4. You Don’t Want to Commit
Now, because of your previous relationship, you are afraid of getting involved in new ones, and you refuse to get serious even if the person you’re dating shows you all the signs they will be a good partner. When clearly you don’t want to be single but you won’t make the commitment, it’s your relationship baggage that is preventing you.
5. It Shows
Relationship baggage can show itself in your emotions, causing you self-doubt, and since you already see the worst in yourself, you might begin to notice it in other people too. For example, you might feel like the person you’re talking to is judging you the same way your ex used to judge you, and this will make you defensive and unable to open up to them. Baggage and false assumptions go hand in hand.
6. You Have Created Walls
Everyone has walls, but people who carry relationship baggage make them impossible for anyone to climb. If you want to be able to land a successful relationship, you must be willing to bring down those walls. Keeping your emotions and thoughts away from your partner can quickly damage your relationship. Our Colts Neck matchmaking experts want you to think about all the things you’re keeping away from your partner and figure out why you’re doing it. We think it’s time you get that off your chest.
7. You’re Always in a Bad Mood
When it comes to dating and relationships, you cannot even think about it. You’re very sickened by the idea of getting into a new relationship because you think you’re going to get hurt again. You have now taken the hurt or get hurt type of attitude. Bitterness after a tough breakup is expected, but that bitterness should not last very long. If you continue to be bitter, you will not be able to land a new partner.
How to Put an End to Your Baggage
1. Learn to Put It Past You
Before you can ever move on from that big baggage you carry, you must first make a choice to let it go. Think about all the lessons you have learned from your relationship and use them accordingly. Your past relationship is now gone, it’s in the air, and there is no reason to let that past relationship destroy future ones. Finally, put an end to your pity party; it’s time to call it a night.
2. Realize How Many Chances You Will Have
There are plenty of fish in the dating sea; there are tons of ideal partners for you. Just because one partner wasn’t everything you thought they were, doesn’t mean you will not find someone who will make you happy and treat you right. You have plenty of opportunities but it’s time to realize it before they slip away.
3. Surround Yourself with Good People
If you are already aware that you’re carrying relationship baggage, then you need to be able to shake it off. If shaking it off on your own is difficult, then having a close support group will help. Your friends and family members can give you advice and support, and their advice can help get you over this hurdle. If you don’t like sharing your personal problems with friends and family, then going to a professional might be the best advice for you.
If you’re ready to start meeting quality, relationship-minded singles in Colts Neck, contact our matchmakers here at New Jersey Singles Dating Service today. Let us give you the guidance and support you need as you’re embarking on a new chapter of your romantic life.
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